Sparkling eyes, a grin, and eagerness to keep going. That’s what you want to see from your child, right? Wondering how to get there? Encouragement. Positivity. Praise. A little bit goes a long way….Praise, or rather approaching things from the “strengths perspective” is a powerful and relatively easy way to give your little one an unbelievable boost. 🙂
When you’re complimented on your re-creation of that pinterest-inspired snack, hear “great job!” from the Mommy Boot Camp instructor, or your boss acknowledges your hard work, you feel good. You grin, maybe slightly raise a hand in victory, and say, “thanks.” Again, you feel good. We know that, in general, many people do better when they are encouraged. When you smile, your brain actually releases “happy chemicals.” When kids are encouraged, they feel good, and their brain releases these happy chemicals. And then they want more. The opposite is true as well. Start with, “here’s what you did wrong,” and the sparkling eyes turn downcast. But never fear: with just a little tweaking and a change in perspective, it’s easy to keep those little eyes sparkling!
I’m just as guilty as the next person who’s in a hurry to move those kids along, or who points out the mistakes on a math page rather than all those correct answers. But slowing down a bit and changing the focus to start with those correct answers can make such a difference. One of the kids I work with is incredibly sensitive and recently didn’t do so well on a math test. There was a lot to go over, a lot I wanted to be sure he understood. But I knew if I started with the questions he got wrong, he’d just shut down and not even hear or absorb anything other than those mistakes. So instead I started with the correct answers. Just a couple, then went over some mistakes, then some right answers again, back to a mistake, and so on. We worked through it all, he was proud of what he DID do right, and was open to keep going.
What It Is:
The “Strengths Perspective” builds on what kids CAN do. Rather than saying “no” when there is a wrong response, say something like, “not quite, let’s figure it out” and then build on something the kiddo already knows. When I’m working with kids on their writing, I use restraint because I see things to fix, however what I say is, “I love how you did….” and then something along the lines of “you have so many great ideas, let’s try to reshape them a bit.”
What It Isn’t:
This is not like a “participation trophy” where everyone gets rewarded just for showing up. You are giving your child valid, truthful praise. When you ae sincere, he/she will know that you mean it!
You Are the Expert: Searching for something to build on? You know a lot of what your child is good at: being artistic, building with legos, running fast, reciting facts about dinosaurs. If you’re at a loss for where to start, say something like, “you are such a dinosaur expert. Now let’s help you become an adding expert.” Every child has lots and lots of gifts. So we simply build on them and move forward, keeping those eyes sparkling:)
What are your thoughts on this? Does this work for you? Leave me a comment and let me know! Questions are always welcome too!! 🙂
Photos from Pexels:
(top to bottom) Alexander Dummer, Burst, Andrea Piacquadio
